Šimtas ir vienas vaikinas #2

Geidžiamas jaunikis
Visos jo nori ir niekas negauna. Jis susikūręs atrodo didelius kriterijus merginai, bet lieka su visiškomis nuobodomis dėl to ir netveria ilgai. Konkrečiai šis egzempliorius yra gerai žinomas ir populiarus todėl sulaukia nemažai merginų dėmesio, kai dirba jų apsuptyje. Tik keista jog ir nuotykių jo gyvenime nėra daug. Jis atrodo ir paprastas ir pasikėlęs vienu metu. To paaiškinti nesugebu,bet taip yra.
 Tikriausiai kvailiausia vaikinų savybė paplitusi plačiai jų populiacijoje yra ta, kad jie vienokie su tavimi ir kitokie prie savo draugų. Jei sutiks tave, būdamas su savo draugais tai apsimes šaltu gal net pašiepiančiai kąnors pakomentuos. O jums būnant vienu du jis toks kuklutis kaip šunytis,kad net pabučiuoti pirmas nesugebės. Tuo jis ir žavus, jog atrodo tyras ir nesugadintas. ( ypac palyginus su tavim)
 O gal tai tiesiog mano bėda, kad esu pavojinga savo drąsa ir stiprybe prieš vaikinus..

Apie vafliuką

All of my life i have been that girl who always hangs out with boys. For that reason i have met a lot of different guys. There is some of my or my friends‘ ex boyfriends or just boys that for some time were my friends. But like girls the same is bith guys they are somewhat basic.

Probably the most common is ‘‘the unfainthful one‘‘. This one is the soul of a party, the most outgoing and friendly. He is a ladys man as he might tought. But he has some sort of charm. He is not very handsome or very rich to be popular like that but there is some chemistry and you just can‘t get away without talking to him and be interesed.

He changes girlfriends as often as socks but there is only one side chick. Me. I am not just a friend for sex because we do not do that but he ignores his girlfriend when beeing with me. It is so simple to talk to him and be open . i think we know each other for a long time because we can understand each other from one word and he understands me like no one does. And i am just a girl with no self love and the girl who thinks that she is not worthy of love so i just became his safety net from shitty life. There was a lot of times when we were sitting together and most of the time watching our favorite show ‘‘ Catfish‘‘ he gets a message form his girlfriend an he just shuts phone of. Ofcourse this behaviour gave me a ton of false hopes but that thing when he changes his girlfriend to another girl and not chosing me for that place makes me realise that i am not good for that.

There was times that i wanted to be his but i know that if he cheated with me he will cheat on me. One day when i knew that i had no feelings for him anymore i asked him truthfuly.

‘‘ Why i am always the other one?‘‘ I said slowly picking my words.

‘‘ You ask like why we do not go out ?‘‘ He obviously plays dumb.

‘‘ No i want to know why i am your friend with benefits but never girlfriend. I am not good enough?‘‘

‘‘ I dont want you to be the girl... you know... like my other exes. I love you and i like beeing with you but i can‘t play cool or be friends with my exes so I dont want to ruin our relationship.‘‘ He said it with pain and sadness in his voice.

Then i already knew the answer to my question and gave up. He only wants adventures and not love. If he knows how to love.. i now see how shalow and dumb he is without that crush on him i see clearly and can be smart for my own happiness. I dont want to answer his texts. I am living for myself now.

Mano mama - miela ir motyvuojanti moteris..

I always had issues with my parents especially my mom. She never told me “ I love you” or “ you are beautiful” instead she often reminded me that she is ashamed of me because I am fat and my style is not ordinary. She loved to say “ for a fat girl to dress this different is inappropriate”. I never wanted to be like the others, I wanted to be me and by dressing like I wanted to instead of fitting in with the crowd I was her shame.

There was a few weeks left till my sisters wedding day and I was in desperate need to find a dress. So my parents and I go shopping for that. I knew it will be the worst because my mom hates how I look in everything but I had no excuse. I have tried many dresses but nothing fits properly to my freaky body or the things I love makes my moms face wrinkle like she was eating a whole lemon.  We passed a long cream flowy dress but I said it was too many cleavage for a church so we continue to looking. I was angry at my body because one dress shows too many in the chest area while the other gown is too short and my bottom is hanging out. Obviously my moms face does not lit up not even once. I was hoping to see her smile or any sign of acceptance but nothing ever shown up in that nature.  So I had nothing else to do just come back to the long cream dress and at least try it on. I was prepared for my parents disappointment but they looked like my ex when he saw me at his prom. Happy and confused accepting and amused by my appearance. This is what I saw on my moms face. I felt insecure by the low cut in front of the dress but my dad said he will fix it by hand sewing. Later that day when I put on that dress at home my mom said “ how beautiful you are” but these words did not warmed me up instead it made my heart shatter because I knew I was beautiful just because it was the thing that she wanted me to wear. Like my whole life if I do what she wants I am good daughter for her to be proud of and if I do not she do not want to have daughter like me. 

p.s sumesiu čia ir kitas užduotis dėstytojui, tai bus daugiau rašliavos ir viskas vienoje vietoje

Šimtas ir vienas vaikinas #1

Savo gyvenime sutikau ne vieną vaikiną: draugai, buvę vaikinai, klasiokai, kursiokai, priekabiautojai, būsimi arba niekad nebūsiantys vaikinai. Vaikinų kaip ir merginų ( gal ne taip gausiai) irgi yra pagrindiniai tipai. Dėl įdomumo ir dėl humoro juos išskyriau ir aprašysiu ateinančiu metu čia. ( Nes Jaq' ui pasižadėjau rašyti bent po 15 minučių kiekvieną dieną)

Numero uno

Vafliukas
Nėra labai gražus ar itin protingas, juolab neturi potencialo traukti barakudas. Tačiau sugeba paslaptingu žavesiu vilioti prie savęs. Charizma ir paprastumas bendrauti nepalieka jam abejingų. Jis keičia merginas dažnai, bet vienintelė side chick lieki visada tu..
Atmazų karalius. Jei pati išdrįsti jam parašyti jis visada turės kaip pasiteisinti,jog negali susitikti ar kalbėti, bet net būdamas su main bitch jis VISADA atrašo. Žinoma, tu kvailai ir naiviai prisigalvoji apie judviejų vestuves, kai jis neatrašo savo merginai būdamas su tavim. Tau net suveikia jo atmazas#56  " visos mano merginos man dabar nieko nebereiškia, nenoriu,kad ir mūsų bendravimas nutrūktų", kai paklausi jo tiesiai šviesiai ką jis daro su tavim. Mažyt, puikiai žinai,kad tu tiesiog geriausia iš visų ( pati žinai kur). Didžiuojiesi savimi, kad sugebėjai pasakyti " aš užsiėmusi". Pakartok tai dar ir dar kartą... Nemeluok sau,kad tau neskauda.. Bet jo ego , garantuoju,  lieka labiau įskaudintas

leisk man..

gaminti tau 

skaityti tau

dainuoti tau

gulėti galvą padėjus ant tavo kelių

maldauti tavęs masažo, kai skausmas susuka nugarą

negailėti šviežiai nulakuotų nagų ir kasyti tavo nugarą

stebėti tave žaidžiantį su savo plaukais prieš veidrodį

leisti tau stebėti mane besiruošiančią ryte

nepaleisti tavęs iš lovos

atsikelti pirmiau ir pažadinti tave su kava

tylėti

leisti tau suprasti viską iš mano akių

pasileisti plaukus ir apie nieką negalvoti

šokti taip tarsi nebūtų rytojaus

leisti tau pamiršti visas bėdas

būti tavo laime/bėda/džiaugsmu/vargu

... BŪTI TAVO...