I always had issues with my parents especially my mom. She never told me
“ I love you” or “ you are beautiful” instead she often reminded me that she is
ashamed of me because I am fat and my style is not ordinary. She loved to say “
for a fat girl to dress this different is inappropriate”. I never wanted to be
like the others, I wanted to be me and by dressing like I wanted to instead of
fitting in with the crowd I was her shame.
There was a few weeks left till my sisters wedding day and I was in
desperate need to find a dress. So my parents and I go shopping for that. I
knew it will be the worst because my mom hates how I look in everything but I
had no excuse. I have tried many dresses but nothing fits properly to my freaky
body or the things I love makes my moms face wrinkle like she was eating a
whole lemon. We passed a long cream
flowy dress but I said it was too many cleavage for a church so we continue to
looking. I was angry at my body because one dress shows too many in the chest
area while the other gown is too short and my bottom is hanging out. Obviously
my moms face does not lit up not even once. I was hoping to see her smile or
any sign of acceptance but nothing ever shown up in that nature. So I had nothing else to do just come back to
the long cream dress and at least try it on. I was prepared for my parents
disappointment but they looked like my ex when he saw me at his prom. Happy and
confused accepting and amused by my appearance. This is what I saw on my moms
face. I felt insecure by the low cut in front of the dress but my dad said he
will fix it by hand sewing. Later that day when I put on that dress at home my
mom said “ how beautiful you are” but these words did not warmed me up instead
it made my heart shatter because I knew I was beautiful just because it was the
thing that she wanted me to wear. Like my whole life if I do what she wants I
am good daughter for her to be proud of and if I do not she do not want to have
daughter like me.
p.s sumesiu čia ir kitas užduotis dėstytojui, tai bus daugiau rašliavos ir viskas vienoje vietoje
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